On overcoming and transcending utter anger and befuddlement

Image: Oscar Söderlund

Sometimes certain things happen in life that shake us at our core.

Like a strong right hook from out of nowhere, these events leave us staggering with our jaws on the floor and hearts broken into pieces.

In milliseconds, our minds are filled with an ever-multiplying laundry list of questions and sub-questions. We try to go through our day as usual, but this thing has seemingly placed a feces-colored lens on our world.

Immediately, we project. Where we may have smelled roses the day before, now we constantly smell what we’ve adamantly tried so hard to never let ourselves step in.

But wait — we might say… I’m a ‘happy’ person. Some would even say I’m ‘spiritual’. I can’t allow myself to feel these things. I must be calm, serene, and tranquil. What’s wrong with me?! Where’s my Louise Hay affirmation cards?!

It’s a worthy inner-battle. Really is. But this is no way to handle this kind of befuddlement and anger. You can’t fake your way out of this. You’re pissed. It’s real. It happened. It’s a part of you. Now what?

(Okay, you probably realize by now that I’m referring to the US election, which I sort of am, but this concept is also relevant to much deeper, more personal suffering than that.)

1. Make room to feel

This is what most of us miss. We westerners, especially, have a hard time feeling in a conscious manner. We suppress. And you know what suppression does. I don’t need to explain that here, I know who I’m talking to.

Make conscious space to feel it. Embody it. You have to walk through this mud puddle to get through it. The key is to be kind to yourself while you do it. Express your pain in as much of an aware and conscious fashion as you can. If you get mad, and then you get mad at yourself for being mad, then you’re double-mad. Then triple-double mad.

Suppressed anger compounds.

We must give ourselves permission to feel it. We’re human. This is a beautiful part of the human experience when we can do it mindfully. We go to the theater to get carried away by the drama, not to ignore it. In a weird way, crying during a sad movie feels good because it confirms our humanity.

(Hint: The more you do this, typically, the faster you make it through next time. I know people who fly through mud puddles without skipping this step — a true skill, indeed.)

2. Transcend

Okay, you’ve made the space to feel it. You’ve walked fully through the mud in a prompt fashion without adding any more steps to it than needed. But there’s no need to hang out in the middle of the puddle any longer than it takes to reach the other side.

You feel the pressure in your chest relieving. Time is imparting her healing powers on your wounds. Things are opening back up. Now what?

Make room for the light. Your prior anger can now be turned into positive fuel. Your darkness is fading and making room for the sunrise. Light that shizz on fire.

What now? What will you make of it? What healing will you bring forth because of it? No sense beating a dead horse. You’re on dry land now. You have traction.

Onward and upward sure beats heading back into the puddle again.

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Jonas writes short stories and preachments about spiritual, whimsical, creative matters on the daily here in Higher Thoughts. Get one to enjoy with your coffee every morning by subscribing below.