We all grew up with a certain kind of handed-down faith.
Be it Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, or Atheism (yes, faith of no God is still faith) or whatever the story was — we’re told that we’re here because of X.
A big bang.
A cosmic breath.
A waved hand.
Pure chance and randomness.
And then, something happens. That ‘something’ totally blows to bits whatever story you were told. And whatever God you took as scripture before is standing there with their pants down, looking like a fool.
Many of us have done it. We’ve actually stood there under a starry sky or before the body of a lost loved one with our fists in the air calling this God out on the damn floor.
I know I’m not alone in this. I’ve received several notes from readers of this blog who’ve described this very scene in slightly different contexts.
The words from your mouth might have been along the following sentiments…
“If this is the kind of God you are, you’re not worth following.”
I even had one reader say he told God to go f*ck himself.
If you’ve been there, I write this post to you.
You might think that, because you’ve done this, you’re faithless or damned to eternal hell or shunned by the cosmos/God above.
But in reality,
The place where you stand and shake your fist at God is sacred ground.
Unlike religious party lines may have told us, questioning God and what this whole thing is all about — I’d say — is the point of spiritual study and inquiry.
When you’re willing to take your heart out of your chest and hold God to a higher expectation, I believe She smiles back. Because as your heart is breaking open, as much as it hurts, it creates room for more of her to enter.
I pray that, when your pain fades away, may you realize a new God in the old one’s place.