It makes me feel more human

Photo by Lucien Kolly on Unsplash

Alright, I know this comes as a shock, so brace yourself, but I can’t prove the existence of god…

(I can’t even define what god is.)

This used to be a problem for me. If god was real, I felt I needed to be able to point towards it and say, “Yep — there it is. Right there. That’s what I believe in.” Maybe then, people wouldn’t cease considering me to be a reasoning, functioning member of society.

But here’s the thing…

Believing in and communing with some sort of a divine presence just makes me feel more human.

It feels very human to me to pray for someone who’s sick or in need that I can’t physically help. To say ‘God bless’. To shake my fist towards the sky at… something. To feel like I’m part of a bigger flow of life — maybe even an intelligent one.

Yes, I fully believe in evolution and science and climate change and math and all the things…

But it’s soothing, as a human, to entertain the hunch that something might be propelling this big world somewhere for the better and has been for a very long time. It’s nice to believe that we aren’t in this alone. It’s uplifting to consider that we’re all dancing this divine dance — ugliness and violence and suffering and joy and wonderment and all — embraced in the arms of something… bigger. It’s soothing to understand this still, small voice that speaks to me from within as something more than just random synapses firing in my brain.

I guess that’s it… Believing in god makes me feel more human. Who woulda thunk?

The more I stay with this notion of the divine, the less I find that I know…

But the more alive I become.