I’ve had a hard time sleeping lately.
This is a typical situation for me. I go in and out of cycles of unrest as my head hits the pillow.
It’s a huge bummer because I just had a good four or five-month run of good sleep. Now, things seem to be shifting.
You might know how it goes: You feel tired, but as soon as you shut your eyes — bam. The gears start grinding as you try to downshift into unconsciousness.
I don’t have much to be stressed about, but I get stressed anyways. It’s as if my mind finds the mental state between being awake and asleep as fertile ground to conjure the demons from the shadows.
I have so much to do.
What will this client think of my work?
What kind of world will my daughter have to grow up in?
Does my wife really still like me after twelve years together?
I’m going to get old and die soon.
Ugh — all the feels as the head hits the pillow...
Sometimes, the stress isn’t even definable. It’s just a low murmur of frantic energy bursting out of the surface of my awareness.
Well, the other night, I’d had it. Here’s a prayer I said as loudly as I could in my head (paraphrased, of course)…
Dear God. Hey. It’s been great offloading my inner baggage to you during my morning meditation time. Thanks so much. If you’re cool with it — and you have some more room — I’d like to do that again now. All this shit I’m stacking on my shoulders is just too much. All these demons I’m conjuring in my head right now — will you just make them vanish?
I’m not getting a ‘no’ from you right now, so I’m just gonna go ahead and hand it over.
Here, God. Fucking take it all. Please. As I’m sleeping, go ahead and do what you want with it. I trust that you know what to shitcan and what to keep. I know by your track record that you’re better at sorting it out for me than I am for myself.
When I wake up, I promise I’ll be open for the role you assign me to play in regards to these things — if any. But for now, I’m shrugging them all off for 6 or 7 hours. And maybe eternity.
Some might be offended by a prayer like this. But please know that the divine is so much bigger than any sensitive, petty, easily offended ego.
If you can’t be real with God, you’re not going to be real with anyone else. More importantly, you’re not going to be real with yourself.
Go ahead and pray away.