I just quit something

Photo by Teodor Bjerrang on Unsplash

Don’t you just hate ‘vaguebooking’?...

You know, where people jump on Facebook (yes, it’s always Facebook) and say things like, “Sorry guys, I’m at this place right now where it all might be ending.”

And everyone’s like — wait, whuh?! What’s going on?! Is she dying or moving or eating somewhere new for lunch? Because she NEVER eats anywhere new for lunch! 😱😱😱😱

Those posts have always frustrated me. But now, I kinda get it (but just kinda). Because love it or hate it, a lot of our lives exist in the social sphere (did I just say that?) these days.

Vaguebooking is narcissistically cathartic. So, although it puts our friends and loved ones into a frenzied tailspin of worry and anxiety, it feels good to air things out a little. And it makes sense that we might not be able to name names or explain details right away. Because that might be too much and it might hurt some people close to us.

See, I just quit something. Something important. Something I moved halfway across the country to be a part of (largely). And I feel like a bit of a failure right now. Do I think it’s my fault? Their fault? I dunno, it’s complex.

Some of you know what this thing is — especially if you’ve been following my work this last year or so.

I’ll just say it rhymes with birch. And perch. And lurch. And search.

A lot of my identity is tied up in this thing. My ego’s fingers are sore due to how tightly it’s been hanging on to this persona.

But another part of me feels freed up. 
Vulnerable, yes. 
Exposed, indeed.

But as terrifying as it is in that wide open space, it’s just as liberating.

Sometimes, the best-laid plans don’t work out as planned. So, this is like my vaguebooking post (albeit on Medium, which is interesting). Because this is as many details as I’m willing to let out of my digital hat right now. Maybe more to come. Maybe not.

It just feels good to write it down for you. Because maybe you’ve been there. Or maybe you’re there now. And knowing we’re not alone is nice.

No lesson to be learned. No happy ending (yet). No life lesson attached at the end of the post. I’m not even spiritualizing this thing (weird, right?).

Just a heartfelt note from a guy on the other end of the internet here.

Life is complex. Communities are complex. There are a lot of moving parts. It’s amazing we get along with each other as well as we do.

We’re doing good. 
All of us.
Yeah, it’s messy. 
But interesting, nonetheless.

Rest in that. 
And thanks for reading.