We are the clumsy stewards of our own souls

Photo by Teresa Kluge

Something draws me to the notion that there’s a unique blueprint inside each of us ‘pre-installed by the manufacturer’ as Richard Rohr* puts it.

I go back and forth on this one (as I do with a lot of things) and hold it in mind with the seemingly opposing belief that beneath all of our ego-based thinking lies a field of infinite potentiality.

So what is it? Is our Soul’s Calling something specific or is it up for grabs?

I intuitively feel that it’s (as with most things in the spiritual realm) a hybrid of both. Something unique to us, but also something far more expansive than we can imagine in common hours.

I love the idea of this quest of finding it and living from it. The sacred texts speak of this calling as a crucial part of our path as well as the world at large.

But this calling seems to be something we’re given, not something that’s man-made.

It’s up to us to surrender the ego so that we may better see and embrace this gift, whatever form it takes at the time. And then, most importantly, we must give that gift back to the world through our lives.

Our Soul’s Calling isn’t something we create. It’s something we realize, grow into, and give back.

Perhaps this is the meaning of awakening. We awaken to what’s already there, not to something we have to pursue. If anything, we must unlearn vast amounts of nonsense to get back to the foundation of our Souls.

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:3


Meditation

I take this moment to go within… Beneath the fears, insecurities, and agitation of my egoic, dualistic mind… To that quiet space within…

I know that my Soul’s Calling is inside me. It has never left me, no matter how far away from it I’ve strayed. It’s something I must retreat back into, not something to go out, search, and fight for.

I know my Soul’s Calling as the inherent, gentle, life-affirming pull that moves me toward certain things in life and away from others. In following this beckoning whisper, I feel more and more at home in myself.

The more I go towards my Soul’s Calling, the more at home I feel.

I take this moment to notice my ego as the clumsy steward of this gift. A steward that doesn’t want to be in charge anymore. One that’s tired and not very good at this whole ‘doing life’ thing.

Although my logical mind might not know what this calling is, something within me at a deeper level knows exactly what it is. It may not even be something that I can wrap my head around. It may not be a specific title like ‘CPA, mother, football player, minister, student, or fire fighter’.

All I know is that when I’m home in it, I know. 
And when I know, I’m free.


P.S. I’ll be pulling from Fr. Richard Rohr (yep, the title is his quote too) a lot these days as I’m going deeper into his work. Christian mysticism is fascinating and I’m picking him as one of my main guides. Can’t wait to share more insights and discoveries with you (as well as hang out in the confusion with you as well 😜 ). If you’d like to follow along with me, read Falling Upward here.

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