Acceptance: Damn, it feels nice

Image: Andrew Ridley

As crappy as it was, growing up in poverty was a ripe environment for big, crazy, audacious dreams to sprout and grow. I remember wanting to someday have so much damn money — I’d never be held back from the freedom that I believed monetary wealth would bring me.

Sometimes us poor kids make it huge. You see the stories. Rockefeller. Carnegie. Bieber. Lil’ Wayne… But others, as in my case thus far, do not.

It’s been weird, this life. Going from being 12 years old with that unbridled desire to make a bunch of money to realizing that I’m now in my late-30’s and it might not ever happen, did my head in for a while.

I know what you might be saying…

You’re not THAT old. Don’t give in that easy, Jonas. Maybe you’ll make it. (Or maybe you’re telling me to stop bitching like an entitled a$$hole…)

But now I see that it’s also probably not the point.

Coming into acceptance that I may never be wealthy beyond measure feels really nice right now. I don’t feel like such a f*ck-up. I have a pretty great life.

Sure, we stretch it month-to-month. Money gets tight. We have to hustle.

But I’ve come a long way in dropping my father’s well-intentioned expectations (c’mon men, you know what I’m talking about).

Being solid with where I am right damn now (with half an eye on the step ahead). This is how you climb huge mountains. This is where I want to operate.

Leaps of faith are healthy. But we must be diligent. Having delusions of grandeur of quantum leaping over a gaping abyss of life circumstance just beats the shit out of you after awhile.

Unreached expectation after unreached expectation becomes an evil pattern that bruises your soul.

What feels good to me at this juncture is making a healthy living from creative work. Being able to pay the bills and sock away a few months extra in the bank. Being able to pick up and go anywhere with the fam or by myself to some dark place in the woods for a few days.

This is a leap that is challenging and interesting enough, but is within total reach.

Acceptance. This feels really good.

After all, isn’t this the point?

More bits and bops from Jonas Ellison