The intimate life

A meditation

I have the wire brush and baking soda out. I’m ready to clean the corrosion on my connection with life and with every passing moment that all too easily falls through my fingers like sand.

So much time spent planning, predicting, worrying, studying, fixing, striving… All the while, the clock ticks… Tocks.

I feel disconnected at times. Like the current of life fails to conduct through the instrument that is me.

My daughter grows older. So fast.

Sometimes she wakes up too early (and usually, right in the middle of when I’m writing these notes to you). When she does this, she’s grumpy because she kind of wants to be up, but she also knows she’s still sleepy. A bottle helps her back to sleep.

Usually, when I do this, as she gobbles down the milk and drifts back to dreamland, I’m somewhere else. I’m in the middle of my writing or thinking about the piling up of bills or other obligations... I’m wondering why I’m doing this or not doing that...

But this morning, I was there. I was with her. Fully Present. And it felt great.

Presence. Ahh, what a great word. For now, this is the closest word I can think of to describe what others term as God.

Arousing this Presence, I felt whole. I realized how I have nothing to prove to life other than what I choose. Nothing to make up. I’m only here to express. To enjoy. And to be an instrument of creation at whatever pace feels finest to me at the time.

All this stuff we worry about means nothing to the Higher part of ourselves. The Soul we come here equipped with is already full. It only wants to be intimate with our lives. It wants to tango with the physical through our emotions and our senses. It wants to guide us through the sensations in our guts.

I choose to regain this intimacy with my life. No matter what I’m doing. Whether it’s writing these words to you, changing a tire, or washing dishes…

I want to be there. I want to be Present. If I can do this, it’s enough. More than enough.

I want to fully taste every subtle nuance of life before it fades away.

I want to experience these passing moments at an elevated level and deliberately allow them to come to a heightened place in mind.

I want to feel the rush of things. I want to allow myself to be taken away. To let myself smile. To allow my shoulders to loosen and my gaze to soften. To let myself feel the fear of my desires and dance with it.

I want to lay down my franticness and let life have its way with me. I want to feel every moment of it — good or bad. I want to allow my highest Self to mold my life into its highest potential.

This is my prayer for today. And so it is.

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Jonas writes daily essays and meditations here at Medium. To get them delivered straight to your inbox as soon as they’re live, click here.