When I want, I grasp, grab, reach, get off balance, and fall short.
When I want, what I do manage to grasp falls like sand between my fingers.
When I need, I curl up in a ball with a scowl on my face and plead, deservingly.
When I take, my fingers get stiff and my nails plunge into my palms, bloodying them.
When I seek, I look and look and look to no avail. Like a mad man with a quickly dying flashlight, I bump into things and stub my toes, bang my knees, and hit my head on the room that closes in on me.
But when I know…
When I know and when I center myself on the rock-solid strength that is right here and right now — I want, need, take, or seek nothing.
When I know, I realize that all I wanted is already here.
When I know, I give. And what I give comes back.
When I know, I live. And how I live comes back.
It starts here.
There is nothing out there.
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This essay first appeared on JonasEllison.com