When I want

https://unsplash.com/chrislawton


When I want, I grasp, grab, reach, get off balance, and fall short.

When I want, what I do manage to grasp falls like sand between my fingers.

When I need, I curl up in a ball with a scowl on my face and plead, deservingly.

When I take, my fingers get stiff and my nails plunge into my palms, bloodying them.

When I seek, I look and look and look to no avail. Like a mad man with a quickly dying flashlight, I bump into things and stub my toes, bang my knees, and hit my head on the room that closes in on me.

But when I know…

When I know and when I center myself on the rock-solid strength that is right here and right now — I want, need, take, or seek nothing.

When I know, I realize that all I wanted is already here.

When I know, I give. And what I give comes back.

When I know, I live. And how I live comes back.

It starts here.

There is nothing out there.

I know.


If you enjoyed this story, hit the green ‘recommend’ button below to proclaim your love to the world and share it with your friends. Thanks!

Click here to get Jonas’ essays and meditations delivered straight to your inbox as soon as they’re live here on Medium.

This essay first appeared on JonasEllison.com